Last week was Thanksgiving. I was coming off of a week-long business trip and trying to mentally organize the many items I needed to check the box on before leaving for a fabulous five-day holiday with my family. I was trying to squeeze a week's worth of work into two days at the office while making sure I had my Turkey Day responsibilities all lined up as far as food and family scheduling were concerned.
In the midst of all the holiday hub-bub I somehow confused an "assignment" from my son's preschool regarding fresh fruit for the needy. There was a bag sent home from school that we were apparently supposed to put fruit in for a pre-Thanksgiving celebration the kids were going to have on Tuesday before break. The name of the local charity the donations were going to was called SHARE. My 5-year old however, told me it was for "sharing" at school and they were supposed to bring in their favorite toy or something from the house for show-and-tell. I'm sure you can see where this is going.
So my son packed up his favorite Bayblade in what was supposed to be a bag full of bananas, apples and squash for the needy. Not only that, but all the other parents were there to watch their wee-ones generously pile up their gifts while my son had to stand next to the two teachers with a plastic toy in his bag. As a parent of a preschooler, this is about as bad as it gets short of forgetting your kid at school and the teacher having to drive him home.
His teacher emailed me to gently let me know that Austin had some things he had made for me at school, but in all the confusion of the SHARE celebration she didn't pack his in his bag. After about three back-and-forth emails I finally figured out where the confusion had come from and what I had done (or not done as it were). I was absolutely HOPRRIFIED with myself. How could I have been so stupid as to think there wasn't a Thanksgiving celebration at school? Why hadn't I read the weekly newsletters more carefully? Why did I listen to a 5-year old? Why did I have a full-tme job when it feels like nobody else does? Sigh. I suck.
Just as I starting to let this "bad" thing ruin the start of what was sure to be a fabulous holiday I heard the voice of a friend saying to "put it down like a bag of bricks." I have a very love/hate relationship with this expression. I feel that sometimes it can be used to absolve ourselves of responsibility for things we maybe should give a little thought to and we maybe should feel a little sorry about. I hate to be the kind of person who doesn't care what people think, but sometimes in life, you just have to let yourself off the hook.
I spent a lot of years constantly worrying about what type of woman/mother/friend/daughter people perceived me to be. I makes me feel so good to say that those days are gone (not always, and not entirely), but pretty much gone. My life is too busy and full and hectic to punish myself over the hot meal that was never cooked, or the phone call that wasn't promptly returned, or the birthday present that was only half-wrapped and didn't have a card to go with it.
So, I told my son how sorry I was for my mistake and he seemed literally unphased. I explained what I had done, and I told him I would do my best not to let it happen again - we also had a talk about the importance of giving to those less fortunate. My husband offered to read those newsletters also from now on so hopefully between the two of us we'll catch all the details of preschool life. We'll try harder but never be perfect, and not because we don't care...because sometimes the details just slip through the cracks in your brain and you have to forgive yourself.
Sometimes we all need to just put the bag of bricks down and keep walking.
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