With Christmas right around the corner I'm sure there are plenty of people out there feeling like the mental list of to-do's is a little longer than there are hours in the day to accomplish it all. I realize that this is a very busy time of year for everyone whether you are a man, a woman, a mother, a grandparent, a neighbor or a friend. We all find ourselves up to our elbows in Scotch tape and wrapping paper while we try to squeeze in some time to attend a holiday party and bake some cookies for Santa.
Yes, everyone is busy. At the risk however, of sounding like a martyr, I'm going to make the following statement: Nobody takes the hit at Christmas like the mother. Nobody.
Don't misunderstand, I love it all. I love the decorating, the cooking, the shopping, the wrapping, and generally creating something totally magical for my family to enjoy. I love going to Target for the new CD of Holiday Kids' Sing-a-longs and a bag of red and green M&M's. Hanging the tinsel on the tree with my 5-year old son is a gift in itself. Indeed, Christmas is a magical time and there is much to be thankful for.
For every action, however, there is an equal and opposite reaction and all this holiday spendor doesn't come without a price. The flip side of the festive coin is all the behind the scenes labor that goes into making this magical holiday spectacular. The Christmas cards that need to be addressed and mailed, the seemlingly neverending stream of gifts that need to be wrapped and tagged, or the six thousand bottles of wine that need to be stocked and brought to every house you stumble upon in your quest for holiday cheer.
The stockings need to be hung with care, the Santa gifts need to be wrapped in different paper so the kids don't get wise, the Elf on a Shelf needs to be strategically re-positioned every night, church needs to be attended and new holiday attire purchased for you and yours to be sure everyone is looking their Christmas best. Whew. Exhale.
No, of course no man would ever think of all these things. No man would ever concern himself with any of the inane items listed above and why? Because men aren't crazy. No self-respecting man would ever ask himself if candids would be okay for the family Christmas card this year since we didn't have a chance to schedule a professional photograph. What I'm trying to say is that we women put these things on ourselves and then we punish the people around us for the stress we've manufactured. It's a crazy, vicious cycle we create of piling more responsiblity on and then feeling sorry for ourselves because the list is too long.
My Christmas gift to myself this year is to keep my spirits high so the people around me can enjoy the season too. My gift to my family is not the decorations, or the presents or the trimmings and trappings. My gift to my husband and children this Christmas is a happy mom who will take the hit with a smile and a hug. Because that's what moms do, and besides...it's Christmas.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Choices
Like many parents, I find myself talking to my son a lot lately about "making good choices". Solid decision-making skills are an important tool in life and I do my best to help my son understand how his actions will impact more than just the one decision he thinks he's making. The "domino affect" of decisions we make still amazes me - it's wild the way one thing affects another, affects another, and so on.
This weekend I was reminded in multiple ways the way my decisions ripple throughout my life, my home and my family. I had a GNO (Girls Night Out) on Thursday night with a bunch of ladies at a local home. Good good, good times, good drink and lots of laughs were had. I got home around 11 which is approximately three hours past my bedtime these days. Friday night was the local Christmas Tree lighting in our town and there was yet another ladies' get-together afterward for some local women that I had been meaning to get to know.
I asked my husband what he thought about me being (gasp!) out two nights in a row. Because he too enjoys his "me time" and he's way cooler and more understanding than I am he told me to go, enjoy myself, and stop being so neurotic and guilty. I figured he was right, I mean what harm could possibly come from me being out two nights in a row for three hours each? I mean these are hours I would normally just be home sleeping or reading in bed anyway, so why would it matter...the kids won't even know I'm gone! So despite the gut feeling I had saying it wasn't the right path, I went and had myself another mommy-night-out.
Fast forward to Saturday morning after two nights of "partying" (which these days translates to three glasses of red wine). I was EXHAUSTED. I mean the kind of exhausted where I could barely move, think, function, etc. I was so tired from going to bed at almost midnight and then waking up at 5 with the baby that I was literally dragging. Everything was off schedule and it showed. The nice weekend groove we have that involves a big breakfast, grocery shopping, running errands and visiting friends was all thrown off.
I had to turn down an invitation to see another family we enjoy on Saturday night because I was too tired to cook a meal to serve them. I never went grocery shopping because I was too tired so we had to get crappy take-out from a local sub shop and it sucked. I was in bed at 7 o'clock on a Saturday night which left my husband (who HAD NOT been out two nights in a row) all alone to watch TV or surf instead of spending quality time together.
My decision had obvious and lasting affects that pretty much screwed up the entire weekend. Patrick was trying to be a good husband by telling me to go and enjoy myself, but I should have listened to my gut. I know myself, I know my body and I know that at 34 years old I just can't hang like I used to without paying a serious price. So it's true what we tell our kids about making good decisions. In fact, I think it's one of the most important skills we can impart - the little choices we make every day affect the larger outcome, and often times in ways we didn't see coming.
The older I get the more I realize the people I am drawn to are those whose decisions I respect most. The people who haven't taken the easy road just because they could, the people who go the extra mile not because there is anything in it for them, but because it is the right choice. Really when you stop to think about it, decisions we wish we had made differently are the foundation that regret is built on. Of course we're always going to have the "what-if's" surrounding a decision we wish turned out differently and few people look back on a lifetime of decisions with zero regrets. I guess the goal, as adults, is minimizing the risk, narrowing the consequences and hopefully loving the person we see in the bathroom mirror the next morning...the person who tried to do the right thing.
This weekend I was reminded in multiple ways the way my decisions ripple throughout my life, my home and my family. I had a GNO (Girls Night Out) on Thursday night with a bunch of ladies at a local home. Good good, good times, good drink and lots of laughs were had. I got home around 11 which is approximately three hours past my bedtime these days. Friday night was the local Christmas Tree lighting in our town and there was yet another ladies' get-together afterward for some local women that I had been meaning to get to know.
I asked my husband what he thought about me being (gasp!) out two nights in a row. Because he too enjoys his "me time" and he's way cooler and more understanding than I am he told me to go, enjoy myself, and stop being so neurotic and guilty. I figured he was right, I mean what harm could possibly come from me being out two nights in a row for three hours each? I mean these are hours I would normally just be home sleeping or reading in bed anyway, so why would it matter...the kids won't even know I'm gone! So despite the gut feeling I had saying it wasn't the right path, I went and had myself another mommy-night-out.
Fast forward to Saturday morning after two nights of "partying" (which these days translates to three glasses of red wine). I was EXHAUSTED. I mean the kind of exhausted where I could barely move, think, function, etc. I was so tired from going to bed at almost midnight and then waking up at 5 with the baby that I was literally dragging. Everything was off schedule and it showed. The nice weekend groove we have that involves a big breakfast, grocery shopping, running errands and visiting friends was all thrown off.
I had to turn down an invitation to see another family we enjoy on Saturday night because I was too tired to cook a meal to serve them. I never went grocery shopping because I was too tired so we had to get crappy take-out from a local sub shop and it sucked. I was in bed at 7 o'clock on a Saturday night which left my husband (who HAD NOT been out two nights in a row) all alone to watch TV or surf instead of spending quality time together.
My decision had obvious and lasting affects that pretty much screwed up the entire weekend. Patrick was trying to be a good husband by telling me to go and enjoy myself, but I should have listened to my gut. I know myself, I know my body and I know that at 34 years old I just can't hang like I used to without paying a serious price. So it's true what we tell our kids about making good decisions. In fact, I think it's one of the most important skills we can impart - the little choices we make every day affect the larger outcome, and often times in ways we didn't see coming.
The older I get the more I realize the people I am drawn to are those whose decisions I respect most. The people who haven't taken the easy road just because they could, the people who go the extra mile not because there is anything in it for them, but because it is the right choice. Really when you stop to think about it, decisions we wish we had made differently are the foundation that regret is built on. Of course we're always going to have the "what-if's" surrounding a decision we wish turned out differently and few people look back on a lifetime of decisions with zero regrets. I guess the goal, as adults, is minimizing the risk, narrowing the consequences and hopefully loving the person we see in the bathroom mirror the next morning...the person who tried to do the right thing.
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