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Thursday, August 21, 2014

you win.



My company (like most large companies) ranks its employees based on their strengths, skills, and areas in need of development once a year.  Senior leaders get together to discuss the individuals on their team and categorize them into groups based on their achievements and future potential.  This ranking systems also correlates to the annual salary increases each employee will see at the start of the new year (high rank = more money).  This process is accepted as standard practice and most everyone, including myself, agrees it is both necessary and fair.

I was having a hallway conversation with a colleague about employee ranking as it relates to salary.  You know, just typical office banter, things like:  What do you think raises will look like this year?  Do you think we will meet our sales targets for fourth quarter?  Do you feel like Indian for lunch?

We started talking about some of the benefits associated with a high ranking.  My colleague offhandedly (and half jokingly) said something like "We all know the best part about being ranked high isn't really the money, it's just knowing that you are better than everyone else."    

Hum.  I had never really thought about my work as a win/lose situation before.  In my nearly sixteen years with he same company I have never compared my performance to that of my peers or wanted a high rank for any reason other than the satisfaction of being appreciated (it also typically means job security which is always nice).  Every time I have received praise or recognition for my work I have always been honored and grateful for being recognized - but I never saw it as winning.  Should I?

I have always been content with being a good student, a good team member, a good employee and a good earner - but I have never had the urge to be the best at anything.  That's not to say I am lazy, complacent or confidence lacking.  I am a typical only child - overachieving Type-A personality and I literally never stop moving.  I'm productive, just not competitive...but why?  Am I missing a "winners gene"?

My son is getting to the age where he is into competitive sports.  He is playing football this Fall and I am totally blown away with the level of seriousness surrounding a football team that is called the "Tiny Mites".  It's like the NFL for first graders.  There are weigh-ins, serious practices and scrimmages.  Right now he is eating, sleeping and breathing football.  These boys are being worked hard to understand teamwork, commitment, sportsmanship...and eventually, to be winners




All this competitive energy got me reflecting about times I have won in my own life.  Aside from a couple of small scholarships, some workplace recognition and a few softball trophies from elementary school I came up pretty much empty.  I don't usually win things, and there is a very good reason for that...it's because I don't compete.  

Winning or being better than someone else at something literally never even crosses my mind.  Even in high school when I played sports the truth is I really didn't care if my team won - I just loved the excitement, hanging out with girlfriends, and goofing off on the bus on the way home from games.  So I had to ask myself:  "If someone doesn't have the desire to win, does that make them a loser?" and "What is the difference between winning and success - are they one in the same?"  

Let's see what the handy dandy internet has to say, shall we?
  1. win
    win/
    verb
    1. 1.
      be successful or victorious in (a contest or conflict).
      "the Mets have won four games in a row"
      synonyms:take, be the victor in, be the winner of, come first in, take first prize in,triumph in, be successful in 



  2. suc·cess
    səkˈses/
    noun
    1. the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
      "the president had some success in restoring confidence"
      synonyms:favorable outcome, successfulness, successful result, triumph;

What I thought was interesting is that 'success' is actually used in the definition of 'win' while 'win' is not used in the definition of 'success'.  So in order to win you need to be successful, but in order to be successful you do not necessarily need to win.  Makes sense to me.  I already had the feeling this was the case but if the internet says it's true it must be.  Everything on the internet is true right?

John Wooden (aka "Coach"), coached the UCLA basketball team from the late 1940's until 1975 (and is generally regarded as the best college basketball coach in history).  He literally wrote his own definition of success based on his upbringing, years of teaching English and coaching "youngsters".  He said this:


"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable."


He also said this...

...along with a number of other brilliant things.  There is still debate over whether it was John Wooden or Maya Angelou who originally spoke one of my favorite quotes which is "Nothing will work unless you do."  If you have the time check out this Ted Talk he did on the difference between winning and success at the age of ninety one - it's kinda amazing:

https://www.ted.com/talks/john_wooden_on_the_difference_between_winning_and_success

If someone is inherently competitive and has a strong internal desire to be the best at something, then challenging themselves and dominating in that area - whether it be academically, professionally or athletically - is just what they should do.  They should try to win.  The world needs people like this.  Without them there would be no professional sports, elected officials or game shows - and who wants to live in a world without Jeopardy?




Sometimes however, winning might not look the way you expect it to.  Winning might mean starting your own company or planting a garden that feeds your family.  It could be learning a new language or delivering your baby at home.  It might mean losing weight or quitting smoking or going one hundred straight days without a drink.  It could be successfully home schooling three kids or having a happy marriage that lasted sixty seven years.  

These things all count as victories in my book.  No one will congratulate you and there won't be a sticker to put in the rear window of your SUV, but you've won just the same.  You were successful - you reached a personal goal.  (*side note:  imagining bumper stickers that represent all the achievements I listed above makes me giggle - especially the home birth one.  Those ladies deserve a sticker to put on the rear window of their car, like for real.)

This Fall, as I watch my son on the football field looking way too grown-up in all his "full pads" glory I hope he will be able to experience some small, personal victories.  And if he wants to win on the football field or anywhere else in life I hope he tries like hell - but I also hope that winning alone doesn't determine his happiness.  One day he will see that it is only the goals you set and successfully reach on your own - for yourself, your life, and your family that matter.

So I'm pretty sure I confirmed my suspicion that yes, I am missing the winning gene...and that's okay. Because every morning that I wake up healthy, in a house full of happy people I have the quiet peace of mind that comes from knowing that albeit humble, I have already reached my goal.