My daughter goes crazy for any book by Sandra Boynton. I'm quite a fan too, since they are cute, fun to read, and super short. Those nights when I am tired of reading yet she's still begging for "just one more book" I always know I can bang out Snuggle Puppy in about a minute and ten seconds for the mommy win. I can recite Snuggle Puppy from memory...holding the actual book is more of a prop at this point. Another Sandra Boynton favorite in our house is "Opposites".
Opposites is a sweet little book of child friendly binary terms. Each page contains an illustration and a few well-chosen words to describe opposing sides of a given concept. Think:
Hot and Cold
Young and Old
Wet and Dry
Low and High
There are cute hippos in winter jackets and bunnies in swim trunks and sunglasses illustrating the differences in size, time of day, age, weather, distance, etc. Learning about opposites is, of course, important for kids. For a child to understand what makes two concepts different, they first need to understand the meaning of both words. You can't imagine hot if you don't understand cold. You can't imagine young if you don't understand old, etc.
After my daughter and I finish reading the book we'll play the opposite game for a minute or two. I'll think up a word and she has to guess what the opposite of it would be. Guessing correctly makes her feel accomplished and confident. It's all very cut and dry. Something is either one or the other and there's nothing in between...which is perfectly reasonable. To a five year old.
As a thirty eight year old however, I find myself thinking less and less in terms of opposites. I don't see much in life as being two parallel sides of a street that goes on forever without merging. I believe there is a little bit of something in everything else. I have seen good come from bad, love come from hate...and don't even get me started on right and wrong.
1. Gender Identity
2. Gender Assignment
3. Gender Expression
4. Sexual Orientation
The more I learn about each of these four quadrants, the easier it is for me to embrace the generally fluid nature of gender and sexuality. Taking the time to explore the place where seemingly opposite concepts overlap can be complicated or even uncomfortable at times...and it might take some effort. But taking the time to do that work is the path to full acceptance without hesitation or fear.
I believe the truth about almost everything lies somewhere in that middle space.
The place where words begin to merge.
When words merge in my mind they start to look a little different.
Suddenly gay and straight become STGRAIGYHT. (Really? You find that tough to pronounce? Just humor me for a minute here.)
Good and bad become GBOAOD.
Love and hate become LHOAVTE.
Right and wrong become RWIRGOHNTG.
I know you can't pronounce these non-words silly. Neither can anyone. That's not what matters...what matters is that we can feel them.
When we see crazy amounts of love and compassion come pouring out of a tragedy like the mass shooting in Orlando it's nearly impossible to mentally draw a line down the middle of the situation...to assign it just one word. So much beauty coming from such an ugly event. Strangers sacrificing their own lives to save the life of someone else inside that club. The calls for action in the form of new legislation and the general acceptance that everyone should be free to love who they choose without fear of consequence. All stemming from an act of intolerance and rage.
Acceptance and compassion don't just apply to religion, sexual orientation, skin color, ethnic background or gender. They are woven into every human interaction we have with every person we touch throughout our day. It's the willingness to embrace the way other people choose to run their show.
It's the willingness to do the work and learn.
It's pausing to understand fully rather than judging so easily.
It's being open to the idea of merging words.
"I'm not really a big fan of tolerance.
I'd much rather love everyone wildly."
- Brian Andreas
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