romance for real life.

A co-worker of mine (who also happens to be a dear friend) and I were recently having lunch while discussing life, love and relationships...you know, generally solving the problems of the universe over a salad in the office cafe.  I was smack in the middle of what I thought was a pretty enlightened rant when she stopped me mid-thought and said "For god's sake Juli, you are such a hopeless romantic.  You romanticize absolutely everything in your life.  Music, friendships, parenting, life...name it!  I mean, really - even your politics are romantic!"  

I laughed because after nearly twenty years of knowing each other my friend has totally got my number.  I do romanticize everything.

But why I wondered?  Why do I prefer the way life looks through the tint of rose colored (and preferably heart shaped) glasses?

No seriously.  I want these.

Romance takes on many forms.  It can be words, music, actions, things you say...or even things left unsaid.  True romance isn't just a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates is it? 

(Speaking of true romance can you believe True Romance came out in 1993?!?  Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette.  Yum.)

Annnnnd since February happens to be home to Valentine's Day, I thought this might be the perfect time to do a little research on romance.  What is romance anyway?  Why are we humans so drawn to it?  Where does it come from and how can we find it?

It turns out romance is defined in many different ways.  There are literary, linguistic and musical definitions of the word...but my favorite was this:

a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life

Exactly.  It's that electricity that lives in the ether where there are no grocery lists, no pick ups and drop offs, no work stress and no talking about money.  That mystery and excitement that only be found outside our everyday lives...right? 

Well, maybe not.  Maybe there could be plenty of romance in our life just as it exists today.  Maybe it's just up to us to create it.

Esther Perel is an internationally recognized thought leader and expert on relationships and sexuality.  She is also an author (Mating in Captivity), speaker, therapist and generally amazing woman.  She did an inspired Ted Talk on how to keep desire alive in long-term relationships.

I PROMISE THIS WILL NOT BE A WASTE OF TWENTY MINUTES. 

(I absolutely love what she says about not holding a person so close or pushing them so far away that you can't see who they are anymore.)

There are so many ways to create romance.  It can be...

• The electricity we feel from someone else's touch.
• Hand written letters.
• Preparing a nice meal for someone and serving it on the "good plates".
• Poetry.
• Surprising someone at work with their favorite smoothie.
• Playing music for someone.
• Getting dressed up just because.
• Making someone laugh.
• Taking the time to kiss your partner of many years on the lips (like you mean it).
• Looking into someone's eyes and not saying a word.

One thing romance isn't?  An accident.

Everything in the list above has one thing in common.  Intention.  Romance doesn't just happen.  It doesn't magically appear after the kids are tucked in on a Friday night while you and your partner are wearing sweatpants on the couch with your iDevices in hand.  

Romance is something we have to seek out.  It's something we have to create.  And, like anything else worth having, it takes effort...but the possibilities are endless and the reward can be huge.  

My friend was right.  I suppose I do romanticize the ordinary pieces of a relatively "normal" life.  But I do it with intention and purpose.  

I do it in hopes that I will find mystery and excitement tucked into the corners of my day.  I do it because I believe there is more than one way look at life and love.  I do it because I happen to prefer the view through heart shaped glasses.

Happy Valentine's Day friends.  I hope this is your most romantic yet.  xo - juli