Getting Fed

eternally, woman spills herself away in driblets to the thirsty, seldom being allowed the quiet, the peace, to let the pitcher fill up to the brim. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Six years ago my husband and I were sitting in the executive offices of a church going over the details of our son's impending baptism.  We sat on the sofa as unsure new parents listening to the same wonderful man who had baptized both of us as babies (in that very same church) talk about the rite of baptism - the history, the significance etc.  Toward the end of the conversation as we were wrapping up he asked us if we planned to attend that particular church as a family in the future.  Since we had given the topic little thought we were honest and said we weren't sure, that we hadn't really decided yet.  His response was interesting.  He said "It doesn't matter to me where you decide to worship, whether it's this church or any other is fine with me.  Just so long as in a spiritual sense, you're getting fed." 

I love that way of putting it.  I loved the way he treated the soul, or the spirit, as something that needed to be fed just as much as the body.  Few people would argue the mind/body/soul connection and the importance of maintaining all three, but something about the language he used just really hit the mark for me mentally.  We spend so much time putting "first things first" in our lives that it can be hard to remember to set time aside to do the things we love, the things that feed our soul - but it's important.  If we don't make time to do the things we enjoy we become stressed out, depressed, and spiritually starved.

This "food" is different for everyone.  For some it is exercise, non-fiction, cooking and church.  For others it's indie movies, shoe shopping, poetry and the ocean.  My husband feeds himself with skiing, music, mountain biking and old BMW's.  I feed myself with books, gardening, blogging, music and Windex.  Nobody loves cleaning a kitchen counter more than I do.  Nobody.

Sometimes the things that feed our soul are so small they can be easy to miss.  The other day I was driving down the road on a perfect Spring day.  The windows were down, the sun was strong and the air was crisp.  At just the right moment that one perfect song came through my iPod via Pandora (*side note:  Pandora is magic.  Seriously, how does that software always know exactly what you want to hear exactly when you want to hear it?  It constantly amazes me - magic I say.)  I turned the volume up so loud the dashboard was vibrating and I couldn't hear anything but the music.  The sound of the wind, my car, and the notice dings of new e-mails coming through my phone all disappeared.  The music made my skin prickly and my heart beat faster than usual.  I could feel that song in every square inch of me and I thought to myself - 'This feeling.  This is it.  This is what it feels like when your soul gets what it needs'.  I've heard athletes feel this sort of rush all the time...but I'm just going to have to take their word for it.

Patrick's favorite T-shirt is from Copper Mountain in Colorado.  It has a skier doing some crazy jump on the front with his skis all crisscrossed and under the image it reads "fuel for the soul".  I like to make fun of him for being "soooooo hard core ", but the truth is that skiing and biking really do fuel his soul, his spirit - whatever name you want to give it.  If a month or so goes by and he hasn't been outdoors to recreate somehow he becomes irritable, depressed and generally unpleasant to be around.  When we first got married I didn't understand how important these things were to him and I would try to guilt him into staying around the house more.  It didn't take long before I realized that a) it's not worth fighting a losing battle and b) he really needs to do these things in order to feel his best.  I've also just grown up and realized there is no sense in trying to stop someone you love from doing the things that make them happy.

The trick is finding the ever elusive "balance" between getting fed and being a pig about it.  Taking what you need to be a better partner, a better parent, a better person is critical...no doubt.  Equally important however, is taking enough to be satisfied without stuffing yourself and leaving the people around you feeling hungry.  Self-sacrifice and putting your family first is the name of the game in parenting.  A friend of mine told me once about being a parent that "if it's not a little hard, you're probably not doing it right."  I will admit that when it comes to feeding myself, I prefer to err on the side of always wanting a snack because I'm never really full.  My mommy guilt and Yankee upbringing always have me not taking quite enough of what I need for myself.  I know lots of moms who feel the same way.  I guess I reason that there will be a day when I can indulge in all the "me" related activities my soul desires...but if I wanted that day to be today I shouldn't have had two kids.

I think a great place to start is simply knowing what it is that fuels us.  So when the opportunity presents itself - when we have the chance to feed our soul, we know how to do it.  When we find ourselves down and needing to be lifted up we know what will help us get back on our feet.  Recognizing and practicing the things that bring us joy is as important as making sure we have something green on the dinner plate. 

Don't let yourself go hungry.  Make sure that once everyone at the table of your life has what they need, you sit down and feed yourself too.  Carve out the time to make sure all three elements of You are being given the attention and the fuel they need to thrive.  Even if it means taking your plate into the bedroom and eating in front of the TV. 

Gotta run.  Dinner is almost ready, and I'm starving.