I have had a major case of writer's block the likes of which I have never experienced. I have written three different half-posts in the last two months, all of which I quickly hated and didn't feel were worth finishing (well, one was okay but my husband 86'd it).
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| See? I tried, I swear. |
I am not at all confused about what is causing me to think that everything I write is complete crap...I know exactly what the issue is. Everything I started to write seemed so frivolous and unimportant compared to the recent events in the news that I couldn't even begin to take myself seriously.
I'm not trying to be a major Debbie Downer here. I do my best to keep these posts (and my own thoughts) uplifting, but the events of the last couple months have left me squinting my eyes at the screen in disbelief. Plane crashes, riots, earthquakes, boats capsizing, drug use on the rise, the list just goes on. I find myself scratching my head and wondering "Has it always been like this? Or do we just see more tragedy now that news is so 'real time'?"
I'm not really sure what the answer to that question is. What I am sure of is that I just haven't been able to mentally transition away from the gravity of these events (and blog about something like cleaning out closets for Spring) as though they aren't happening. Maybe writing about something light and unrelated would have been good for me (and for you), but I couldn't.
It always feels so strange to me when a news broadcast jumps seamlessly from a story about a city on fire to a human interest piece on the health benefits of garlic. The little bubble floating above my head reads something like this:
I just don't operate like that. These stories stick with me, and they find me in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.
Then last week I was watching some footage of the Baltimore protests for Freddie Gray. Crowds of people gathered, chanting, screaming, demanding justice - the air was electric with anger and frustration. Cars burning, storefronts destroyed, curfews put in place and schools closed to keep kids safe. The news clip ended with footage of the crowd screaming as loud as their voices would let them, fists raised in the air.
They were screaming "WE WANT PEACE. WE WANT PEACE."
I was so struck by the duality of it all. The damage and destruction to the city, the threat to public safety, and a plea for peace all wrapped up in one. I go out of my way to not give my opinion about politics or religion or how to raise kids (or pretty much anything for that matter) when I write here, but I will say that as far as I am concerned, nothing about that story is peaceful. There was no peace for Freddie Gray and the way he died...and there was nothing peaceful about the response to his death. I kept thinking:
"How can we hope for peace, how can we demand peace when we don't act peacefully? How can we scream for peace?"
I can tell you that while I may not be screaming I want peace too. I'm just whispering. I'm whispering for peace in my house, in my family and in my place in this world.
We whisper for peace by not turning away from difficult topics. By recognizing privilege, how it shapes our perspective, and how we can use it to make change. By donating our time or money or talent when we can. We can whisper peace to our kids so quietly they may not even hear us...but they will see it in the way we treat them and others. We whisper peace by doing.
I'm not alone - I hear these whispers every day. I hear the whispers of tolerance, kindness and grace in the words my friends speak to their kids. I hear the whispers of respect, fairness and responsibility in the way my own children are being taught in school to not only care for their classmates, but for their community as well.
Then there are stories like this one - about a millionaire who gave up half his wealth to help rescue migrants crossing the sea from Africa to Europe .
...or this one - about a teacher in Pittsburgh who used his own arrest to help teach 8th graders a civics lesson.
I have faith in these people and others like them, and that these whispers for peace both big and small will be heard. I believe one day soon enough for all of us to see, the screams for peace today will meet the whispers of tomorrow. Until finally, someday, there will be no more reason to shout.
xo - juli
PS - I swear next month I will get back to something lighter and more along the lines of Spring cleaning closets. Really, I promise.
PPS - I would like to once again, thank Karin Chen for asking me to be part of her Fierce + Feminine Project last month. The interview came at the perfect time, since I was clearly unable to come up with anything on my own!
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| I couldn't close this post without a pic of Jenny saying goodbye to Forest. I just couldn't. |
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