let's be clear.

After writing this post I realized (gasp!) I had neglected to include the monthly we're-about-to-kiss photo!  Since I couldn't figure out a clever way to sneak a steamy shot into this post I thought why not include one of my all time favs anyway?  So what if it's totally irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic?  And let's be real - do we even need a reason to admire the extreme hotness that is Tristan and Susannah from Legends of the Fall?  That's what I thought.

For the love of god and all things holy.   

I realize this is a tough transition, but let's get back to business shall we?

I was stalling when it came time to write the April installment of TLT because frankly, it's been a rough month (or two).  I wanted to wait until I was feeling sunshiny and had something sunshiny to say before I started writing.  Then I realized how silly and disingenuous that thinking is - we're in this together right?  For good or bad, richer or poorer...you get my point.

So the last few months of my life have been consumed with something that I will (for the the purposes of this post) refer to as "The Transaction".  The Transaction is a very complicated, very taxing life circumstance that my husband and I have been navigating and trying to resolve for a long time now, and has just recently reached critical mass.  I'm not going to bore you with the details of The Transaction for two reasons:

1)  It's a downer and I promised I would write for no reason other than to make both of us feel better.
2)  My husband would kill me.

The Transaction has produced a series of obstacles that we have addressed and overcome one at a time throughout the last few years.  Each new challenge has been a learning experience, a growth opportunity and a good excuse to pour a stiff drink.  Needless to say there have been sleepless nights, raised voices and a growing level of anxiousness to bring The (evil) Transaction to a close once and for all.

Finally, we were at the finish line.  Victory was so close we could taste it.  It was finally done.  And then suddenly, it wasn't.

How could this be?!?!  I felt mentally defeated and out of energy.  I wasn't sure what to do or how I was ever going to muster up the "umph" to pick myself up and start all over again.  As I sat in my office wondering how months of work could possibly have been for NOTHING I got a phone call from my Dad.  I rarely get phone calls from my Dad.  He said something like this:

"You can't let this thing win Jules.  You can't jump ship now, you have to keep trying.  Try to keep a clear head about you.  You need to develop a new plan." 

He said a bunch of other "Dad stuff" that even as a thirty six year old woman made me feel safe and like everything was going to be okay.  My Dad is one hell of a guy, he really is. 

I listened to everything he said but the only part I really heard was his instruction to keep a clear head.  His choice of words couldn't have been more perfect.  I had just finished reading The Art of Thinking Clearly by Rolf Dobelli.

(*Fun Little Side note:  Upon researching Mr. Dobelli, a Swiss author and entrepreneur, I learned that he is a co-founder of getAbstract, the "compressed reading" site that I've used in the past when I was too lazy to read the whole book.  Weird right?  Small world.*)  

Mr. Dobelli is not a dreamer, he is a thinker.  He is the opposite of a self-helpie type, he's more of a rain on your parade with facts, stats and practicality type which makes for a depressing read but a good sanity check.

...plus he's kinda cute, no?

He makes many (harsh and depressing) good points in the book.  He talks about how we (humans) make poor decisions and our lives harder than they need to be by not thinking straight.  He breaks our bunk logic apart into categories and provides examples - just for fun here are a couple:

• "My uncle smoked three packs a day his whole life and he lived to be 93!"  Taking one example that is statistically unlikely and using it to justify our actions.

• "I can't leave my wife now (even though I am totally miserable and we are like strangers), I have 17 years invested in this relationship!"  Using the "sunk cost" of time or energy invested in a project or relationship as a basis for making a decision about the future.

• Making a decision based on "known truths" (which may not be true) without questioning them.  Many companies have closed their doors because of this.

...and countless others.  This book is a quick read and worth your time if you find yourself in a decision-making-heavy time in your life. 

Sometimes things just don't seem fair.  I believe it's true that sometimes you do give more than you get.  Sometimes the effort you put in is not equal to the reward you get out.  Sometimes the love you give someone is not equal to the love they give in return.  And in the lyrics from that catchy little tune by Passenger:

sometimes you gain less than you lose
we've got holes in our hearts
we've got holes in our lives
we've got holes, we've got holes
but we carry on

So I decided I would find the energy keep trying.  I refuse to let the history of The Transaction prevent a positive outcome.  I'm not going to let my emotions cloud my ability to make sound decisions and see this thing through to the end.  After all, The Transaction is going to be there whether I pull the covers over my head and take it personally or keep a clear mind and a light heart.   

Sometimes it's hard to see the reason why everything is supposed to happen for a reason.  And you know what?  It's okay.  Forget about the scale that measures who tried harder or who gave more and just be happy you were there to give at all.  Know that every day we have an opportunity to be stronger and more resilient than we were yesterday.  To pick ourselves up, to keep a clear head about us, and to carry on.