good girl.

Disclaimer:  I could have titled this post "A Coat of White Primer, Part 2".  After I finished writing this I realized it is essentially a continuation of my post from last month.  

I've recently realized I may not live forever.  I'm probably over thinking this (who me?), but the more I hear about lives cut short, the more I consciously and subconsciously elect to "clean up my act" in an effort to maximize my time here.  After all, wouldn't it be foolish to ignore how fragile life is and how quickly it can be taken away? 

The "mommy factor" also plays a role in this effort.  I know that if I want to establish a healthy and positive groundwork for my kids I should lead by healthy and positive example.  It also goes without saying that I would like to be around as long as possible and a lifestyle composed of good choices increases our chances of stretching the clock a bit.  It can't hurt right?

The blurred line I always find myself trying to find through the haze of a hectic life is how good is good enough?  Where is that sweet spot where extending our time here and enjoying our time here intersect?  Maybe nobody else struggles with these types of issues, but I'm no saint okay?  So I do.  If you don't toggle with these dilemmas  I envy you - it's one less thing to worry about.  

Speaking of blurred lines.  She's a good gurrrrl.  Sorry, couldn't resist.

Back to how neurotic I am - here are some examples of "guidelines" that run through my mind like the Wall Street Ticker.

• Don't smoke.  It will ruin your skin, age you, and eventually kill you.  Got it.  Check.
• Move your body in some way shape or form regularly.  It will instill good exercise habits in the kids, plus you'll feel better physically and mentally.  Check.
• Set an example for hard work and continuous learning.  Work, work, work.  Read, read, read.  On it...check.
• Keep alcohol consumption moderate.  Booze kills brain cells, ruins your liver and (I just learned) causes cancer.  Plus nobody wants to be a lushed out parent.  Sigh...check.
• Use money wisely to encourage responsible spending.  Check.
• Eat clean.  This basically means eating only fish, (grass fed) meat, nuts, fruits and vegetables.  Nothing agriculture based, nothing artificial, and nothing that comes from a factory.  Wheat is the devil, heart disease is on the rise and obesity is an epidemic in this country.  Okay, okay, I get it.  Check. 

And these are just the behavior-based guidelines.  I'm not even talking about the emotional and psychological guidelines that are incorporated into my day-to-day.  This doesn't include the important stuff like instilling tolerance, kindness, honor, or a sense of social responsibility in my kids.  It also doesn't include the countless little reminders like watching my language so my toddler doesn't go to preschool and say "goddamn it" when she can't find her second mitten.  Or limiting the kids exposure to TV by constantly "enriching" them with some new and exciting activity or craft.  

*Just reading the paragraph above makes me want to pour a huge glass of red, turn on an episode of The Bachelor and take a nap.*

I've never really been a rebel.  I actually like toeing the line most of the time.  It's just that toeing it constantly and in so many ways can be hard.  As kids we can't wait to become adults so we can shed all the rules and restrictions that are imposed upon us by our parents and society.  Then we become adults and start imposing an even stricter set of rules upon ourselves.  

I sometimes find myself struggling with this question:  Is it okay to even be a little naughty?  Do all women have this Mary Poppins syndrome of feeling like they need to be perfectly perfect in every way and then scolding themselves when they aren't?  Am I harder on myself than I need to be?  When I ask my girlfriend (who thinks I'm ridiculous) this question she likes to remind me that I'm "not even Catholic" and hence have no business feeling so constantly guilty.

I recently discovered this fantastic article from the February, 2014 issue of TIME (I know, I reference TIME too much -  I totally acknowledge it) titled "The Superiority Complex, A new book from the "Tiger Mom" seeks to explain why some groups succeed in America and some fail."  This article is so worth the fifteen minutes it will take you to read it.  I promise.

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2163555,00.html

The writer, Suketu Mehta is an Indian born journalist and father.  In this article he questions the principles of "Tiger Mom" mentality which credits "impulse control" as one of the Top 3 characteristics that contribute to a successful life.  This Tiger Mom stuff it is a blog entry in itself, but if you're not familiar it's worth a Google.  Or just read the article above and you'll get the gist.  Mr. Mehta is a celebrated journalist and published author who graduated from NYU and was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.  This guy is no joke.  He wrote the following:

"It's not conformity that makes this country great; it's an individual striking out against the expectations of his culture, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg dropping out of Harvard, Miles Davis coming out of herion addiction to produce 'Round About Midnight, the 14-year-old Billie Holiday turning the pain of her childhood into the bluest beauty, Sylvia Plath taking on death with pills and poetry, William S. Borroughs writing from the bowels of his addiction in Naked Lunch; it's Hemingway and Fitzgerald and Cheever and Carver drinking and writing, writing and drinking through their demons.  Imagine what American culture would be if American artists had kept a tight check on their impulses."

Before you get all excited, I am not suggesting that brilliance can be found at the bottom of a bottle or that addiction of any kind could ever be a positive or glamorous thing.  I'm also not putting myself in the same category as any of the people mentioned in the excerpt above.  But it did remind me that great things can come from what many would consider a less than perfect life, and that beauty can be born in even the most unsavory circumstances.  

That blurry line between following the rules and indulging our impulses can feel like tightrope walk at times.  But we, as adults, have the right to establish our own rules (and as long as we are not endangering ourselves or anyone else) we have the right to break them on occasion.  It's important to remember that if we concern ourselves with perfection in too many aspects of our life we are destined to disappoint.  


I want to believe that it's possible to be a little impulsive, a little wild, and maybe even a little naughty in the name of enjoying our time spent here.  I'd go so far as to say that straying away from our own rules now and again may be essential for those of us who have a wild side that needs to be quieted.  That way, for the other 361 days of the year, we can feel happy about just being a good girl.