let's get together.

My awesome ex-boss suggested I read a book called "The World Until Yesterday" by Jared Diamond.  The book discusses the evolution of modern society (which began about 11,000 years ago) and what we can learn from traditional/tribal societies that might make a positive contribution to our current/modern existence.  I could lie and say I read the book but I didn't.  I DID, however, read the Get Abstract 5-page PDF summary of the book.  Get Abstract is a little bit like Cliffs Notes, except instead of being for kids who don't feel like reading the whole book it's for grown-ups who don't feel like reading the whole book.  

I do plan to read "The World Until Yesterday", I really do - I just haven't yet.  I've been way too busy reading all the Fall editions of home decorating magazines that have been flooding my mailbox since late September and I just can't seem to get caught up.  How am I supposed to find time to study traditional tribal societies when I am busy learning how to make my own custom Halloween luminaries using brown paper grocery bags and a stencil?  There are only so many hours in the day for god's sake.

The lazy woman's summary of the book has me hooked.  I am fascinated with traditional/tribal societies and what we can learn from their family structures, parenting techniques and healing methods.  I eat this stuff up with a spoon.  One quote from the book (ahem, summary of the book) put it beautifully, it read: "traditional societies, in effect represent thousands of natural experiments in how to construct human society."  So basically, by studying tribes in Brazil and Africa that still function today as traditional societies did thousands of years ago, we can take advantage of their trial and error relative to medicine, diet, parenting and family.  Like anything else, of course, traditional societies have their pros and cons - so I put together a quick list of pluses and minuses based on (like everything else found in this blog) my opinion only:

PROS OF LIVING IN A TRADITIONAL/TRIBAL SOCIETY

• You spend every day surrounded by your extended and immediate family.
• Children breastfeed essentially non-stop for the first few years of life.
• Extended family step in without hesitation to watch children if the parents need to leave them for any reason (hunting, etc).
• Significantly reduced likelihood of stroke and heart disease.
• Young adults have excellent decision making skills as a result of being allowed to perform adult tasks from a very early age.
• Depression or poor mental health is essentially non-existent because people are never lonely. 
• No formal justice system or courts of law.  Disputes between people or tribes are settled in person.

CONS OF LIVING IN A TRADITIONAL/TRIBAL SOCIETY

• You spend every day surrounded by your extended and immediate family.  (This could potentially start to feel like a family holiday that refuses to end.)
• Children breastfeed essentially non-stop for the first few years of life.  (I don't think I need to explain to any woman why this could perhaps be a "con" as well as a "pro".)
• You might never have the chance to live since many traditional societies practice infanticide (selectively killing newborn babies for various reasons).  This is too depressing for words.
• Letting small children work with dangerous tools and fire.
• Violent and ongoing retaliation for settling disputes between tribes.

So yeah.  There are definitely some aspects of traditional societies that obviously don't fit well into our modern day ethos.  There are, however, some modern movements to get back to a more traditional approach - specifically to traditional parenting.  One current term for this is called "Attachment Parenting."  Mayim Bialik (girl who used to play "Blossom" in the early 90's sitcom) is a huge celebrity advocate of this.  TIME magazine also did a piece (May 21, 2013) on this subject that caught tons of media attention due to the controversial cover.  The image depicted a mom breast feeding her 4-year old son.  Remember this?

I will admit that when I look at this picture there is a little narrative in my head that sounds something like this:  "Don't judge.  Stop judging.  Don't judge.  Stop judging.  Don't Judge.  Stop judging."  I'm sure different people have very different reactions to this image.  So let's all agree that whether we like the idea of breastfeeding your grown kid or not, the mom in the cover image is super hot and just move on.

What really caught my eye was shockingly not the infanticide or extended breast feeding, but rather the idea that in traditional societies there is essentially no such thing as loneliness.  People were/are constantly surrounded by their loved ones.  Imagine if you spent your days with your kids by your side surrounded by your nieces, cousins, great aunts, parents, brothers and sisters?  Imagine it not in that horrifying-family-holiday-party-that-won't-end sort of way.  Imagine it in a connected, supportive, someone is always there when you need them sort of way.  Wouldn't that feel good? 

Wouldn't it be relaxing to know that if you ever needed someone to watch the kids there were countless people who would step in for you without thinking twice?  Your kids, for that matter, could essentially run around independently from the time they could walk without needing to worry about their safety?  If you needed to talk, to discuss your kids or your marital issues there was always a loving and supportive ear only a few yards away?  

A woman I work with is originally from India.  She said when she arrived to the United States in her twenties one of the things she struggled with most was the isolated way we live here.  In India doors and windows were always open, neighborhood children were often found playing in her yard uninvited, groups of friends would gather in the street to talk, etc.  While this type of open and interactive living may exist in some areas of the US, this "tribal living" is not the norm - especially in cold weather climates.  It is nonetheless true that an extended support system made up of family and friends is still a crucial part of modern day happiness.  That part hasn't changed, it just looks different now.  Why do you think we all seem to like Facebook so much?

Winter is coming.  Soon the frozen months of unintentional isolation will be here.  The days of impromptu barbecue's and family gatherings will be put to bed for another season along with the vegetable gardens and the pool toys.  I'll be the first one to admit I can get a scorching case of the seasonal blues if I'm not careful.  The best remedies I have found are fresh air and company.  It doesn't need to be face to face company either (though a glass of wine over the phone with a friend just isn't as much fun) the important thing is just to connect.  It feels good to reach out, it feels good to have things in common, and it feels good to remind yourself that you are part of something bigger.

As the nights get colder and the clothing gets heavier don't let your heart get heavy too.  Reach out to the people in your tribe who will gladly lend an ear, watch your kids or share their food.  Yes it's 2013, and yes we live in the most modern form of society this planet has ever known.  We are still just people.  We still need one another.  And we still need to get together.

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